Tucker

 Our first Boxer was Tucker.

I probably have not mentioned him here.  The memories are extraordinarily painful.

Tucker came to us as a tiny baby.  He was too young to be away from his mother but it was us or worse.  He was sweet and cuddly and a maniac.  

He introduced us to the Boxer breed,, and I was SOLD.  Hook line and sinker, I knew that this was the breed for me.

At the time we had the first dog Marc and I ever had together, a German Shepherd named B'Elanna.  She hated Tucker from the moment she met him.  He would cuddle up next to her and she would get up and move.  He'd follow her and again cuddle up next to her until she gave in and let him sleep next to her.  It didn't take long before they were besties.

His favorite thing in the world was to be chased.  He'd pester B'Elanna continuously until she'd chase him all over the yard.

 When Tucker was about a year old, a cat showed up after a huge thunderstorm at our side door.  She was yowling at the top of her lungs.  We opened the door and she walked in like she owned the place and rubbed up against Tucker's face.  We realized she was heavily pregnant.

Soon after she had 4 perfect kittens.  They were in a large box on top of the space next to our jacuzzi tub. Every single morning after he went out to go to the bathroom, Tucker would come running as fast as he could into our bathroom and put his front feet up so he could look into the box, checking to make sure that the kittens were okay.  I used to joke with Marc it looked like he was counting them to make sure everyone was still there.

When the kitten got old enough, he would play with them.  He loved those kitten so much!

   He was such an amazing dog.

And then suddenly, right around his 2nd birthday, it was clear something was wrong.  At first, I couldn't describe it.  He was just.... different.  In a very short time, he went blind in one eye and would walk in circles.  The vet said that it was likely some form of brain cancer - possibly lymphoma.  We could test and possibly treat, but with how young he was and how fast he went downhill, that signaled something extremely aggressive.  

We debated and decided not to treat.  Turns out it wouldn't have mattered.  A couple of days later he had a seizure and got worse.  He was confused.  He wouldn't eat and began randomly going to the bathroom without knowing where he was.

We had to let him go.  Every pet I have lost has taken a part of my soul.  But losing Tucker at such a young age, in such a terrible way.  That haunts me.  Even as I type this the pain is fresh and vibrant and I can feel it in my chest.  The guilt I feel is irrational but REAL.

Why am I thinking of him more than usual today?  After he was gone we bought a small flowering bush and planted it next to where we buried him behind our house.  It has grown and is huge now.  It is fully blossoming today and is beautiful.  

We miss you Tucker.  Your time on earth was so short but gave us so much... I love you and will never forget you.